Come Take Your Seat
I ran until the soles of my spirit wore thin,
Banging on the doors of the Absolute,
Demanding to be let in.
I offered my intellect like a sharp, bright knife,
Trying to cut a hole in the fabric of this life,
To climb out of the vessel,
To escape the human stain,
To bypass the horror of being ordinary and in pain.
I drank the dark to dim the blinding light,
I sought the smallness of the cave to hide from the height.
I burned the library of all I ever knew,
Just to stay warm for an hour or two.
I screamed at the heavens, I dared the lightning to strike,
“Come down and defend yourself!” I roared into the night.
“If you are the Father, then where is your care?
Why leave me stranded in this thin, cold air?”
I waited for the thunder. I waited for the rebuke.
I waited for a Savior, or a Judge, or a Duke.
But the sky just held me with a terrifying grace,
And the silence turned into a mirror for my face.
And there was the horror, the gut-wrenching twist:
The God I was screaming at… did not exist.
There was no Old Man to punish my sin,
No separate Savior to usher me in.
The throne room was empty. The King had gone home.
Or maybe… he never had left me alone.
The voice that was screaming “Why have you left?”
Was the same voice that listened, bereft and bereft.
I pulled back the curtain to find the Wizard’s machinations,
And found only myself, and my own creations.
So here is the verdict, the joke, and the cost:
I cannot be saved, for I never was lost.
There is no one coming to take the wheel.
There is no one coming to make this un-real.
The war is over. The mutiny is done.
I fought against the shadow, but I am the sun.
And it is lonely here, at the center of it all,
With no one to catch me, and nowhere to fall.
So stop the running. Put down the disguise.
Wipe the cheap wine from your ancient eyes.
The Manager’s chair is waiting, dusty but neat.
There is no one else here.
Come.
Take your seat.
